Chapter 27 - You And Your Subconscious Mind As Partners In Action…In Relation To Love

Love is one of the most significant, fundamental factors in our lives, yet as a community of people recognizing the importance of love, we seem unskillful in demonstrating it. We put great time and effort in educational programs that develop skills in the arts and crafts, the sciences and the professions. We do this because it is economically intelligent and because it promotes material progress, and that is good. But we do not seem to develop programs that help progress in the art of love. If someone instituted a program entitled "How to Love," I am certain he would have a legion of students, even though conventional society would raise its eyebrows at the thought. Yet such a program would promote moral and spiritual progress.

You must learn how to love

It would seem that everybody is expected to be on his own in acquiring a knowledge of love that will best serve him during his lifetime. Yes, I know, love is one of the fundamental desires that you want to act upon, and that is the whole point. To have true love in your life, you must follow a pattern of action. The knowledge of the "what, when and how" of that action, is not a fully developed skill you were born with. Perhaps this chapter should be titled "How to Love," because apparently you are expected to perfect the skill of loving and being loved all on your own.

In fact, if in some magic form, I were the "subconscious mind" assigned to work with any one of a number of persons I have known, I would be most confused about this matter of "love" in my master's life. I would be recording his emotional reactions to love quite consistently and, many times, recording his actions as prompted by his emotions. I would build up quite a file of his desire for love, until eventually I took to interpreting it as a great need. I would be ready at any time to remind him of this desire and need and try to back him up whenever he had the chance to act to satisfy the urge to love and be loved.
A conflict between desire and will

But what would be confusing to me is the conflicting action often going on "upstairs" in his conscious mind. Many, many times, there would be a recording up there of an opportunity to satisfy his desire, by demonstrating love, and so I would say, "All right! This is the time! However, there would be conscious resistance, strong enough to overcome my influence. As a result, the "action" of my master would be to pass up the opportunity. If this happens many times, I would be forced to build up a "file" of unresponsiveness, and passiveness, because apparently that is the way my master wants to act. But I, as the subconscious, know differently. The emotional desire for active relationships based on love continues to be recorded, but the pattern of consciously influenced action opposes it. It's almost as though my master was consciously saying, "I want to, but I can't!" However, my interpretation of his attitude would be, "I want to, but I won't!" Very confusing!

Let yourself go, and love!

Furthermore, and still in the face of that desire and need for love that persists in my "files," this conscious passiveness take on the overtones of "no affection" and "no respect." I would know that these are negative reactions, because in this private world of his that is his subconscious, he has great affection and respect for others. You could evaluate his interpretation of love as being a one-way action, with the other person doing all the responding. This, too, would be most confusing to me because, if he just "let himself go" and responded to my best influence, he would be a much happier and more desirable person. I would wish that he and that will of his would quit being so matter-of-fact about love and let me really turn on the power. I would hope that it might happen soon, or I might get "out of the notion." And if "my" power is ever turned off in this matter, this fellow is "dead"!

Of course, I can't substitute for anybody's subconscious and perhaps it's a good thing, for I would be inclined to step out of bounds and really turn the power on, especially in this matter of love! But in this little off-beat "trip into inner space," I have turned the spotlight on a condition that does exist to some degree in the lives of too many persons.

Every man wants the fulfillment in life that comes from active love. This is a basic male desire. And every woman needs love to find true fulfillment in life. Here, too, it is a basic desire. Why, then, does there seem to be such a widespread pattern of conflict between this desire and the expression of love?

What is love?

I believe that the answer is related to the individual interpretation of what love is and to the knowledge of the consequences of either positive or negative expression of love.

What is love? These, I believe, are the honest definitions: Love is passionate affection between individuals of opposite sex; love is true fondness between individuals of like sex; love is cherishment of one person by another; love is the communion of emotions and affectionate action among people. Without any camouflage, and without any artificial taboos, these are the realistic definitions of love, aren't they? Certainly they are clear enough, and definite enough. However, it is up to each individual to make them have meaning in his or her life, according to the way he or she expresses love.

Suppressed love is frustrating

If you express love by acting in accordance with those definitions, you are assured of having the positive consequences of love in your life. But if you fail to express love according to those definitions, by restraining or curbing your actions, certainly there will be negative consequences, because, from all practical viewpoints, there will then be no love in your life. Love is a dynamic force when it is the basis for positive, unrestrained action. Love is a frustrating influence when it is kept leashed and passive.

I am sure that you will agree that we have been quite frank, so far. Let us continue in the same spirit, as we explore the consequences of love in the lives of a representative man and woman, either of whom may represent you, wholly or in part.

Men need a variety of love

Here is a man, intelligent, personable, ambitious and anxious to lead a full life. He may or may not be married. Whatever his status, those four definitions of love are important factors in his life. The man who denies that any part of this is true for him is being dishonest with himself. This man desires and needs that communion between himself and others that is based upon emotion and affection. To have that communion, he must act according to his desires. Unless he so acts, he will still have the desire, but it will remain unsatisfied and frustrating. This man desires to have a feeling of fondness exist between himself and other men, simply because he is a gregarious being, always seeking recognition and acceptance. Such fondness is dependent upon expressive action, and that feeling will exist only when he demonstrates it through action. Failure to demonstrate such fondness can let the bugaboo of rejection appear as the feeling of loneliness.

A man needs a woman, and love

This man also needs and desires to relate himself to a woman, on the basis of passionate affection. The "object of his affection" will be, of course, his wife or his wife-to-be. Perhaps that phrase "passionate affection" needs to be clarified. "Passionate," in this case, means strong, sure, positive, while "affection" means tenderness and regard. Combine the two, and we have "strong and tender love" as the standard for the relationship between this man and his woman. Is that a right relationship? It most certainly is, if the man acts according to that standard of love, and continues to so act, and act AND ACT!

If you are a man, and you are acting according to all of these relationships of love in your life, then you are one whose life is being fulfilled every day! If you are remiss in any of these actions, you cannot deny you have the desire to so act. Get busy on a program of self-influence and let the subconscious desires come out where others can see and feel them. This is the manly thing to do, and you are a man! Incidentally, age doesn't have any bearing on any of this. If you are an adult male, anywhere from 18 to 108, get busy with honest, active love in your life!

The needs and desires of a woman

And now, a woman, intelligent, attractive, capable, seeking to lead a life of womanly fulfillment. We can picture her, too, as married or unmarried, but with those four definitions of love being vital factors in her life. I am sure that no woman will deny this. With her, as with that representative man, we can go right down the list of those several areas of love, and find that she has the need and desire for them in her life. And, like the man, realization of those desires depends upon positive, expressive action on her part. She will "have or have not," depending entirely upon the demonstrations of her desires, or upon her passiveness.

Action brings fulfilled love

If you are a woman, and you are acting according to these standards of active love in all of the desired relationships (including the relationships with "the man" in your life), then I know that you are a radiant, happy, contented person! If you don't have fulfillment in all of those relationships where love is a factor, now is the time to call self-influence to the rescue, and let those desires escape from confinement! Believe me, this is the womanly thing to do. Is there any reason why you should not be the "ideal" woman, practicing fulfilled love? And about age (or did you think I wouldn't dare mention "age" and "woman" at the same time?): What does it matter what age you are, as long as there is love in your life? When you are 100 you will still have the same needs and desires for love as you had when you were 18. You won't be silly" if you positively express love as you grow in years. Just think of all the experience you can add to the picture to make active love better as the years go by.

Love, and be loved, through action

Now let's recall the observations I made at the beginning of this chapter. In that imaginary role as somebody's subconscious mind, I encouraged you to pay heed to those observations about "confusion" and "conflict." I encouraged you to take stock of your own conscious actions in relation to love. Consider what you do, how you act, what you say, in your relationships with those who are closest to you, or intimately related to your life. Do these actions consistently express and demonstrate the love you feel? Consider those desires, deep-rooted within you, to love and to be loved. Are they being suppressed by conscious restraint on your part? Are you consciously creating an attitude of passiveness toward love? If you come up with the "wrong" answers to any of these questions, then you are causing that "confusion" in your subconscious; this is an undesirable, even dangerous, condition which should be corrected. The correction can be made by giving your subconscious the chance to build up more power toward the expression of love. And certainly you know how to accomplish this positive, self-influenced objective.

There is only one kind of true love

True love is love that is expressed and demonstrated. No one is more capable of expressing and demonstrating love than you are. Therefore no one has a greater potential for love in his life than you have.

True love is an emotional reaction, put into action. Your subconscious is capable of putting great power behind your emotional reactions. Therefore, positive action in relation to love is assured by self-influenced conditioning of your subconscious. Therein lies the great opportunity for a fulfilled life for you.

Make true love your kind of love!

In Sum

Free yourself of all restraints and express your love.

Do this positively, satisfying your subconscious desires.
Love is a dynamic force when it is the basis for positive, unrestrained action.

Do not allow it to be passive, thus a frustrating influence.
 
Result Getting Projects

The ideal influence of true love is habitual influence. Aim at establishing it as a habit in your life. This is a seven-day project, based upon planned demonstrations and expressions of your emotional affection for others. A variety of people will be the "targets" of your project. They will be:

1. Your marriage partner, or your intended partner.

2. Men friends, if you are a man, women friends, if you are a woman.

3. Persons who are related to you, such as mother or father, sister or brother, aunt or uncle.

4. Young children, such as son or daughter, niece or nephew, god-child, or other youngsters you know well.

These are people who are within that "inner circle" in your life, where the alliance is based upon the expression of love according to one or more of the definitions given in this chapter. These are the people who belong to you, and to whom you belong.

Giving yourself time to consider this project in a "retreat" atmosphere, designate a day soon when you will begin this one-week experience. During the preparatory period, consider all the things you can DO to express and demonstrate your love to those in each of the four categories. Let yourself mentally "see" an individual, in anticipation of what you are going to do. Consider the things you haven't done but which you have wanted to do. Assign this intention to act to your subconscious and let those emotional desires help paint pictures of your action. Extravagant ideas are not out of order here, since this is love you are considering. As you do this, you are establishing an objective of demonstrating your love to at least one person in each category on each day of your week-long project. Obviously your marriage partner, or your intended, is going to be the object of repeated action, and that is as it should be. In the other groups, a different person each day is recommended.

At bedtime, on the night before the first day of "action," assign the anticipation of that day to your subconscious and thus let subconscious self-influence prompt you to act the next day. You will act, and you will find that the active expression of love fits into your daily life "as though it belonged there."

Repeat the preparation and subsequent action on the following six nights and six days. As the week progresses, you will find that apparently you need to do less and less deliberate preparation. You will feel that you are "getting into the swing of things" and that the expression of true love is remarkably easy to accomplish. You will be "getting the habit" and, by the end of the week, you will have the habit.

The rewards will be great from this experience, not only because you have removed the restraints from the emotional subconscious desires for love, but also because of the glowing response from others. The men, women and children on your list will prove to you that the expression of love is a two-way action, and, as you give, you will receive.

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